A friend died yesterday. He was a godly husband and father who genuinely cared about people. He worked hard, he taught his children to love God, he treated everyone with respect. He met my husband at a fellowship once and every time he saw me after that, he asked about him. Not just to be nice, but because he was concerned that my husband didn't attend church. We had several conversations about my husband's beliefs and I know he prayed for us. He cared about my husband's soul...and he barely knew him.
On the way to work, before I heard the bad news, I was listening to a kids' song that had me crying again. The song is called "When Mama Fixed a Lunch," and it's about a mom who fixed her son a lunch of fish and bread and then sent him to learn from Jesus. Of course, Jesus used that lunch to feed thousands of people. The reason the song gets me is because it reminds me of how important those little daily, mundane tasks are when Jesus gets hold of them. "She didn't know how far it would go when Mama fixed a lunch one day." How often do we get bogged down in the boring routine of parenting? Wiping noses and bottoms; fixing meals and snacks; cleaning houses, toys, clothes, dishes; tucking kids into bed; singing the ABCs twenty-three times in a row; driving to soccer, church, Boy Scouts, Awana. And then getting up and doing it all again the next day. It can be draining, can't it? Sometimes I wonder why I'm doing it all.
But the boy in the story had someone who cared for him, who provided for him, who fixed him a lunch before he left. That's more than I can say for anyone else in the story. The other people were hungry; they obviously hadn't thought about preparing for lunch time. The disciples didn't know what to do. But Jesus did. He wasn't going to send them away. He knew that the people needed to hear what he was saying to them. They needed him. When he told the disciples to find some food, Andrew found the boy and his basket of bread and fish. As surprising as it is to me, the disciples didn't expect this miracle. I don't know why. They had seen Jesus perform miracles before, they knew the story of Elijah and the widow woman's oil, but for some reason they didn't expect this. But when they gave the boy's lunch to Jesus, he gave thanks for it and he distributed it between the people. After they fed the 5000-plus people, they had 12 baskets of leftover bread.
I get a few lessons from this story. One is that Jesus cared about the physical needs of the people he was talking to. He knew they were hungry, but he wanted to keep teaching them because they needed to hear what he was saying. But he couldn't just ignore that hunger. He had felt hunger, and he sympathized. Jesus, because he walked the earth in a human body, has experienced hunger and pain. And he took care of these people. When I start feeling run-down and exhausted from all that parenting, I need to ask him to sustain me so I can keep doing what I know he needs me to do.
Another lesson is that I need to keep listening. Jesus was standing in front of this crowd of people teaching them valuable truths about God. They were learning from the true Messiah. I envy that. I wish I could see and feel and hear him. I sometimes feel lost and confused and wish he would just send me a detailed memo telling me exactly what he wants from me. But I also know that if I'll stop worrying about those little things that I think I have to worry about, and focus on Jesus, he'll take care of me and talk to me. I need to stop worrying so much about today's pet project and pick up my Bible.
And the third lesson is that I get from this is about that boy's mom. She did what any loving parent does: she provided. She knew he would get hungry, so she fixed him a lunch. Simple. And yet, in the hands of Christ, that one little act of love and provision was multiplied thousand-fold. Think of what that means to us. Every little act of provision and love can be multiplied through our children. My children will grow up having seen just a kernel of God's love in me, and as long as they let God have a hand in their lives, the results can be miraculous. Thousands of people saw God's love and provision in that little lunch that day. Many, many more have learned of it since. How many might see that love and provision through our children's lives?
My friend died yesterday, but he left behind two children who know God. They have seen in their father's life a kernel of God's love. He provided and cared for those children because he knew that they were God's provision for his life, and he repaid that by teaching God's love to those kids. I know they will suffer. I know that Caleb will struggle with his anger, and I know that the whole family will have unanswered questions. But they knew a father who loved and provided for them, and I know that in some way, God will multiply that in their lives.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Coveting versus Contentment
Funny, the little things God does to me. I'm on the programming team for our new pre-teen ministry. Yesterday's lesson was on the 10th commandment, "You shall not covet." This morning, I was looking for some notes I made when we went to a retreat at the Ozark Conference Center in August, and I found a journal entry that I made in the back of that notebook early one morning of the retreat. I had forgotten how recently I had been struggling with this very issue.
Here are some of my notes from that morning:
I come to places like this with the beauty of your creation all around me, and I am in awe of you. I am drawn to Isaiah 6: 3 "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." I am reminded that "The heavens declare the glory of God" (Ps 19:1). Your creation proclaims your glory to "all the earth" (Ps 19:4). This idyllic scene before me reminds me of Ps. 23. I sit here and see the green pastures and the still waters and remember your provision for me and mine.
And yet I wonder why I don't feel this every day. Every day of my life I am surrounded by the evidence of your glory, your love, your provision. But every day, I look right over those things and want. Not want in the sense of lack, but want in the sense of covet. I am taxed by this tenth commandment. I covet everything I see.
Paul speaks of contentment in Phil 4:11-13. Paul had learned to be content in any circumstance by leaning and relying on you. I look at this world around me, I think of you as shepherd, and I wonder how I could be discontent as your child. How can I see the provision in the creation and want more? How can the superficiality of the world tempt me to covet when I am surrounded by the evidence of your hand? How can the creator of this universe, and all that I can and cannot see, not be enough?
I Tim 6:6-8 "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
Job was distraught over all that he had lost. When he prayed for forgiveness at the end of his struggles, he did it not knowing that God would restore him. He repented and stayed true to God, and then God gave him twice as much as he had had before. He didn't praise God for restoring his wealth, he praised God for God's majesty and power. That's where I fail. I praise God and I thank him for his provision without realizing that his provision is around me, in me, at all times. This body, these tiny cells, are enough to praise him for. Everything else is just covetousness. If I can't be content with this life, then why would God give me more? So all the schemes of man to gain wealth are fruitless because they lead to nothing. "Godliness with contentment is great gain."
In the story of Jonah, God provided what was needed, but not what Jonah wanted.
Jonah 1:17 "But the LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights,"
Jonah 4:6-8 "Then the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah's head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, 'It would be better for me to die than to live.'"
Being in the belly of the fish seems like a punishment, but God used that to SAVE Jonah so he could continue to grow. God does that with me too. He provides what I need for spiritual growth, but it's not always what I want or what I think is best.
The reason I write these musings from a month ago is that they are so alive in my mind today. I sometimes feel so inadequate to be teaching kids when I struggle so much with the same issues that I'm teaching them about. But I know that it's God using my service to grow me, and I find another reason to praise him.
Here are some of my notes from that morning:
I come to places like this with the beauty of your creation all around me, and I am in awe of you. I am drawn to Isaiah 6: 3 "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory." I am reminded that "The heavens declare the glory of God" (Ps 19:1). Your creation proclaims your glory to "all the earth" (Ps 19:4). This idyllic scene before me reminds me of Ps. 23. I sit here and see the green pastures and the still waters and remember your provision for me and mine.
And yet I wonder why I don't feel this every day. Every day of my life I am surrounded by the evidence of your glory, your love, your provision. But every day, I look right over those things and want. Not want in the sense of lack, but want in the sense of covet. I am taxed by this tenth commandment. I covet everything I see.
Paul speaks of contentment in Phil 4:11-13. Paul had learned to be content in any circumstance by leaning and relying on you. I look at this world around me, I think of you as shepherd, and I wonder how I could be discontent as your child. How can I see the provision in the creation and want more? How can the superficiality of the world tempt me to covet when I am surrounded by the evidence of your hand? How can the creator of this universe, and all that I can and cannot see, not be enough?
I Tim 6:6-8 "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."
Job was distraught over all that he had lost. When he prayed for forgiveness at the end of his struggles, he did it not knowing that God would restore him. He repented and stayed true to God, and then God gave him twice as much as he had had before. He didn't praise God for restoring his wealth, he praised God for God's majesty and power. That's where I fail. I praise God and I thank him for his provision without realizing that his provision is around me, in me, at all times. This body, these tiny cells, are enough to praise him for. Everything else is just covetousness. If I can't be content with this life, then why would God give me more? So all the schemes of man to gain wealth are fruitless because they lead to nothing. "Godliness with contentment is great gain."
In the story of Jonah, God provided what was needed, but not what Jonah wanted.
Jonah 1:17 "But the LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights,"
Jonah 4:6-8 "Then the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine. But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered. When the sun rose, God provided a scorching east wind, and the sun blazed on Jonah's head so that he grew faint. He wanted to die, and said, 'It would be better for me to die than to live.'"
Being in the belly of the fish seems like a punishment, but God used that to SAVE Jonah so he could continue to grow. God does that with me too. He provides what I need for spiritual growth, but it's not always what I want or what I think is best.
The reason I write these musings from a month ago is that they are so alive in my mind today. I sometimes feel so inadequate to be teaching kids when I struggle so much with the same issues that I'm teaching them about. But I know that it's God using my service to grow me, and I find another reason to praise him.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Kenzie's aliens
Last week, on the way to school, Kenzie started telling me about the aliens who visit her in her bedroom at night. They have square heads and a "thing" pointing out at the top. They have long conversations about tiny little monsters that don't exist. The aliens like to pray with her. This is how they pray:
They fold their hands together backwards, and say, "Dear God, please give us a new world. Our world is way too small. We need more room, so please give us a new world."
I asked about this, and she explained that the aliens live on Pluto, and now Pluto is so small it's not even a planet.
I asked her, "If they can come to earth to talk to you, why don't they just go live on another planet, like Mars."
"Oh, mom. Those aliens are way too mean!"
That night, as I was putting her to bed, she pointed at her wall and said, "See, there are the aliens."
On her wall are two pages from a coloring book, tacked up with push pins. Her lamp is on a table below these pages. The shadow cast upward from the pages and the push pins looks like two rectangular heads with a "thing" pointing out. She smiled. I smiled. The aliens smiled.
I have a job interview today to expand my freelance proofreading/editing business. Pray for me.
They fold their hands together backwards, and say, "Dear God, please give us a new world. Our world is way too small. We need more room, so please give us a new world."
I asked about this, and she explained that the aliens live on Pluto, and now Pluto is so small it's not even a planet.
I asked her, "If they can come to earth to talk to you, why don't they just go live on another planet, like Mars."
"Oh, mom. Those aliens are way too mean!"
That night, as I was putting her to bed, she pointed at her wall and said, "See, there are the aliens."
On her wall are two pages from a coloring book, tacked up with push pins. Her lamp is on a table below these pages. The shadow cast upward from the pages and the push pins looks like two rectangular heads with a "thing" pointing out. She smiled. I smiled. The aliens smiled.
I have a job interview today to expand my freelance proofreading/editing business. Pray for me.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
A Glimpse into Kenzie's Mind
So, Monday, Kenzie (4) is the doctor, and I am the patient. The diagnosis: Chicken Pops. Of course I need a shot and a lot of medicine, which by the way, tastes like banana splits with hot fudge sauce (like mother, like daughter). Somewhere during the course of play, Dr. Kenzie discovers a huge chicken pop on my big toe. The only course of action, apparently, is to cut it off. Not the chicken pop--the toe. Kenzie leaves the room for a few minutes and returns with a pair of her craft scissors. This is about the time that I realize that I am not entirely engaged in this playtime. I have picked up a magazine and am reading it while she is examining and treating me. I am only half-aware that we are still playing this game, so I am not really prepared to see my 4-year-old daughter coming toward my foot with a pair of blunt-tip scissors, ready to remove my toe! When I jump, she looks startled, smiles shyly, and says, "I wasn't really going to cut it off, mom." What a relief!
Occasionally, Kenzie will reminisce about the time when she had a "different mommy & daddy." Now, this is not true. Kenzie has been ours and only ours since birth, but memory is not static to her. She has the ability to completely rewrite history, and I find this creativity endearing, so I don't correct her. She will have plenty of time in her life to learn that our memories aren't always at our convenience. So yesterday, she told me another story about when she had a different mommy & daddy. This time she explained to me that it was way back when they lived in the sky, above the clouds. Apparently, her "different mommy & daddy" didn't make her eat healthy food, but now she knows that she should.
Here's a predicament: sometimes when Kenzie prays, she imagines God talking to her. Should I allow this or should I correct her? I don't want her to think of God as an imaginary friend, like her boyfriend Jacob (who, incidentally, has died about 100 times, but keeps coming back to life). But I also don't see much harm in it. In fact, I want her to know that God does talk to us, just not in an actual voice. Yesterday, for example, we were praying before lunch, and she said she wanted to pray.
Hands folded, head bowed, eyes closed: "Dear God, why did you make all this healthy food? ... Oh, okay. Just a minute, God."
Looking at me: "He said he made it so we could grow big and healthy."
Head bowed, and eyes closed again: "Thank you, God, for the healthy food."
How do I argue with that?
Occasionally, Kenzie will reminisce about the time when she had a "different mommy & daddy." Now, this is not true. Kenzie has been ours and only ours since birth, but memory is not static to her. She has the ability to completely rewrite history, and I find this creativity endearing, so I don't correct her. She will have plenty of time in her life to learn that our memories aren't always at our convenience. So yesterday, she told me another story about when she had a different mommy & daddy. This time she explained to me that it was way back when they lived in the sky, above the clouds. Apparently, her "different mommy & daddy" didn't make her eat healthy food, but now she knows that she should.
Here's a predicament: sometimes when Kenzie prays, she imagines God talking to her. Should I allow this or should I correct her? I don't want her to think of God as an imaginary friend, like her boyfriend Jacob (who, incidentally, has died about 100 times, but keeps coming back to life). But I also don't see much harm in it. In fact, I want her to know that God does talk to us, just not in an actual voice. Yesterday, for example, we were praying before lunch, and she said she wanted to pray.
Hands folded, head bowed, eyes closed: "Dear God, why did you make all this healthy food? ... Oh, okay. Just a minute, God."
Looking at me: "He said he made it so we could grow big and healthy."
Head bowed, and eyes closed again: "Thank you, God, for the healthy food."
How do I argue with that?
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Crushes Already???
My 4-yr-old daughter just walked in here and told me that she has a crush on all the boys in her Vacation Bible School class.
I asked her what it means to have a crush, and she said, "It means that I think they're really coooool!" To clarify, I asked if she has a crush on all the boys she knows since they are cool & fun to play with. I knew that she had just heard the word from her older sister & probably just thought it was a word for having a friend.
"No, Mom! That's silly," she said, causing some concern.
"Then, what is a crush?" I asked.
"Well...see, if a little girl like me has a crush, it means that she thinks a boy is really cool and likes to play with him. But if a teenager or an almost-grownup, or someone on TV has a crush, it means that they want to go out on a DATE. But it would be silly for a little girl like me, because we're too little to date. So we just have crushes on boys if we like to look at them." (What? Look at them?!?)
Then she continued, "Last night when we were playing games, every time we were holding hands or hugging, if they weren't looking at me, I would look at them like this..." She then proceeded to bat her eyelashes and pucker her lips. I took a breath and explained to her that the boys might not like for her to do that.
"But mom, sometimes I like to do that. Especially to the boy in the Orange shirt. What's his name?"
"Caleb?"
"Yeah, Caleb. And the boy in the blue shirt. What's his name?"
"Nicholas?"
"Yeah, Nicholas. They're sooo cool. But they aren't my friends 'cause they don't talk to me."
"Well, honey, I think they're both just a little shy. And I think that you need to stop blinking and puckering at them and ask them to play with you. You can just ask if they want to build something out of Legos, or you can pretend to fix them some food in the play kitchen. But try to make friends with them, okay? That's what Jesus would like."
"Okay."
Oh. No! She's FOUR! Think I need to start limiting the television a little more?
I asked her what it means to have a crush, and she said, "It means that I think they're really coooool!" To clarify, I asked if she has a crush on all the boys she knows since they are cool & fun to play with. I knew that she had just heard the word from her older sister & probably just thought it was a word for having a friend.
"No, Mom! That's silly," she said, causing some concern.
"Then, what is a crush?" I asked.
"Well...see, if a little girl like me has a crush, it means that she thinks a boy is really cool and likes to play with him. But if a teenager or an almost-grownup, or someone on TV has a crush, it means that they want to go out on a DATE. But it would be silly for a little girl like me, because we're too little to date. So we just have crushes on boys if we like to look at them." (What? Look at them?!?)
Then she continued, "Last night when we were playing games, every time we were holding hands or hugging, if they weren't looking at me, I would look at them like this..." She then proceeded to bat her eyelashes and pucker her lips. I took a breath and explained to her that the boys might not like for her to do that.
"But mom, sometimes I like to do that. Especially to the boy in the Orange shirt. What's his name?"
"Caleb?"
"Yeah, Caleb. And the boy in the blue shirt. What's his name?"
"Nicholas?"
"Yeah, Nicholas. They're sooo cool. But they aren't my friends 'cause they don't talk to me."
"Well, honey, I think they're both just a little shy. And I think that you need to stop blinking and puckering at them and ask them to play with you. You can just ask if they want to build something out of Legos, or you can pretend to fix them some food in the play kitchen. But try to make friends with them, okay? That's what Jesus would like."
"Okay."
Oh. No! She's FOUR! Think I need to start limiting the television a little more?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Image of a Piece of Wood
Andy at Think Christian posted this article about the cross. He asked whether or not the cross as a symbol still has meaning or if it has become so commonplace that it doesn't mean anything anymore.
"Has the cross reached this state—is it so commonplace that it has no real value as a symbol in 21st-century America? When you see a cross—in a church, in a museum, on a website or a business card—what do you feel? Awe, sorrow, humility, worshipfulness, annoyance, anger, or nothing at all? Has it retained its symbolic power and majesty after so many years of use and misuse? Or is it now just a decoration, one whose historical and cultural baggage actually gets in the way of meditation on Christ’s sacrifice?"
He asks if we should be offended that Madonna and Kanye West have used crucifixion imagery in a worldly way.
Predictably, someone commented that we need to reclaim that image for our faith. Once again, I am shocked at the idea that we are trying so hard to "defend Christ", as if he needs that from us. Is that why Christ formed the church? To have a group of people to police the image of God? To ensure that someone would look out for him? Or to carry out the Great Commission?
Phil 2:5-11 reads:
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
If Christ didn't focus on his image, why should we? If Christ wasn't worried about his "rights" why should we be? Do we really think that our purpose is to defend Christ?
In the garden of Gethsemane, after Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, one of the disciples (Peter) pulled out his sword & cut off the ear of a soldier to try & stop him from arresting Jesus.
"'Put your sword back in its place,' Jesus said to him, 'for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?'" Matthew 26:52,53
Defending Christ is not our job. Jesus said 15 times: "He who has an ear, let him hear." When I read about Peter cutting off the soldier's ear, I think that God, the ultimate author, was being blunt with his symbolism. When we try to defend Christ, are we cutting off the ears of those who would listen? And does the form our defense takes matter? In other words, if "all who draw the sword will die by the sword", doesn't that mean that if our sword is our words, our words will betray us? If our sword is politics, our politics will fail? Whatever form our defense of Christ takes, Satan will use it to turn it around on us, and ultimately, on the image of Christ.
We have to stop fighting for our image and the image of Christ. We have to see that the more we fight for that image, the more damage we do to it.
I will continue to be awed by the cross as the ultimate example of Christ's humility. I hope that I never allow that meaning to become common or banal in my mind. And I hope that Christians will always see the underlying meaning of that hunk of wood. But I also hope that we will never allow the excuse of defending a piece of wood come between the church and our purpose.
"Has the cross reached this state—is it so commonplace that it has no real value as a symbol in 21st-century America? When you see a cross—in a church, in a museum, on a website or a business card—what do you feel? Awe, sorrow, humility, worshipfulness, annoyance, anger, or nothing at all? Has it retained its symbolic power and majesty after so many years of use and misuse? Or is it now just a decoration, one whose historical and cultural baggage actually gets in the way of meditation on Christ’s sacrifice?"
He asks if we should be offended that Madonna and Kanye West have used crucifixion imagery in a worldly way.
Predictably, someone commented that we need to reclaim that image for our faith. Once again, I am shocked at the idea that we are trying so hard to "defend Christ", as if he needs that from us. Is that why Christ formed the church? To have a group of people to police the image of God? To ensure that someone would look out for him? Or to carry out the Great Commission?
Phil 2:5-11 reads:
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
If Christ didn't focus on his image, why should we? If Christ wasn't worried about his "rights" why should we be? Do we really think that our purpose is to defend Christ?
In the garden of Gethsemane, after Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss, one of the disciples (Peter) pulled out his sword & cut off the ear of a soldier to try & stop him from arresting Jesus.
"'Put your sword back in its place,' Jesus said to him, 'for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?'" Matthew 26:52,53
Defending Christ is not our job. Jesus said 15 times: "He who has an ear, let him hear." When I read about Peter cutting off the soldier's ear, I think that God, the ultimate author, was being blunt with his symbolism. When we try to defend Christ, are we cutting off the ears of those who would listen? And does the form our defense takes matter? In other words, if "all who draw the sword will die by the sword", doesn't that mean that if our sword is our words, our words will betray us? If our sword is politics, our politics will fail? Whatever form our defense of Christ takes, Satan will use it to turn it around on us, and ultimately, on the image of Christ.
We have to stop fighting for our image and the image of Christ. We have to see that the more we fight for that image, the more damage we do to it.
I will continue to be awed by the cross as the ultimate example of Christ's humility. I hope that I never allow that meaning to become common or banal in my mind. And I hope that Christians will always see the underlying meaning of that hunk of wood. But I also hope that we will never allow the excuse of defending a piece of wood come between the church and our purpose.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
My Multiple Personalities
I have a secret. I have multiple personalities. I have named them Peta & Macie, after the apostles that they resemble, Peter & Thomas. (Of course, since Peter & Thomas also had multiple personalites, you can see the roller coaster ride on which I live.)
Peta is the me who wants to run with the big dogs. She wants to run off to the mission field and ignore everything else. She likes to talk the talk, but her walk is sometimes more like a crawl. There are times that my faith is strong enough to walk on water, like Peter's. And quite often, that's when I begin to sink--not because the faith is unwarranted, but because I can't keep my focus where it should be. There are times when I want to deny Christ because I'm afraid of the repercussions. Unlike Peter, I don't actually fear for my life, I fear losing control of my life. I also fear that I won't be able to live up to my expectations of myself and will end up being a poor example of Christ. So, in that fear, I sometimes wish I could deny Christ, but I am thankful that I can't anymore. I did for a while: I ran from him and denied him and turned my back on him. But he pulled me back into his arms, and I am also thankful for that.
When I think about those 8 years without Christ, I choose think of my other personality, Macie. I love the story of Thomas because it is so comforting to me. I love to recall that in John 11:16, Thomas urged the other disciples to follow Jesus to Judea, where Lazarus was dying, and where Jesus had almost been stoned to death, saying "Let us go also so that we may die with him." I imagine this exasperated sigh, "Okay, fine, Jesus. If we can't talk any sense into you, we may as well all go." So great was his love for Christ, he was willing to go back to Judea, knowing that they would probably all be killed. It's an interesting picture of faith: he had faith that in death he would be redeemed through Christ, but not so much faith in Jesus' ability to prevail in life. Wow, I can relate. And then, just a little while later in John 20, we see Thomas's crisis of faith. He just could not believe that Jesus had risen from the dead without touching his wounds. You know what I find comforting about this? That Jesus had enough compassion to go to Thomas, to let (no, urge) Thomas to touch his wounds for proof. Another wow. And then Jesus said this: "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." And that's when I remember that I'm not Thomas at all. I am one of the blessed ones who have not seen and yet have believed.
My faith is so strong when it comes to questions of death: I know that when I die I will go to heaven, I will live with Christ. But when it comes to questions of life, my faith tends to fall a little flat. I need to live with Christ NOW. So, I take these lessons from Peter and Thomas: When I feel myself sinking in life, I need to get my focus on Christ. And when I feel my faith wavering, I need to ask God to come to me and show me what he knows I need to keep going. And I always need to remember that I'm one of the blessed ones, not because I live in the United States and have a home and a car and a great church, but because I have been given the opportunity and the privilege of believing without seeing.
Peta is the me who wants to run with the big dogs. She wants to run off to the mission field and ignore everything else. She likes to talk the talk, but her walk is sometimes more like a crawl. There are times that my faith is strong enough to walk on water, like Peter's. And quite often, that's when I begin to sink--not because the faith is unwarranted, but because I can't keep my focus where it should be. There are times when I want to deny Christ because I'm afraid of the repercussions. Unlike Peter, I don't actually fear for my life, I fear losing control of my life. I also fear that I won't be able to live up to my expectations of myself and will end up being a poor example of Christ. So, in that fear, I sometimes wish I could deny Christ, but I am thankful that I can't anymore. I did for a while: I ran from him and denied him and turned my back on him. But he pulled me back into his arms, and I am also thankful for that.
When I think about those 8 years without Christ, I choose think of my other personality, Macie. I love the story of Thomas because it is so comforting to me. I love to recall that in John 11:16, Thomas urged the other disciples to follow Jesus to Judea, where Lazarus was dying, and where Jesus had almost been stoned to death, saying "Let us go also so that we may die with him." I imagine this exasperated sigh, "Okay, fine, Jesus. If we can't talk any sense into you, we may as well all go." So great was his love for Christ, he was willing to go back to Judea, knowing that they would probably all be killed. It's an interesting picture of faith: he had faith that in death he would be redeemed through Christ, but not so much faith in Jesus' ability to prevail in life. Wow, I can relate. And then, just a little while later in John 20, we see Thomas's crisis of faith. He just could not believe that Jesus had risen from the dead without touching his wounds. You know what I find comforting about this? That Jesus had enough compassion to go to Thomas, to let (no, urge) Thomas to touch his wounds for proof. Another wow. And then Jesus said this: "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." And that's when I remember that I'm not Thomas at all. I am one of the blessed ones who have not seen and yet have believed.
My faith is so strong when it comes to questions of death: I know that when I die I will go to heaven, I will live with Christ. But when it comes to questions of life, my faith tends to fall a little flat. I need to live with Christ NOW. So, I take these lessons from Peter and Thomas: When I feel myself sinking in life, I need to get my focus on Christ. And when I feel my faith wavering, I need to ask God to come to me and show me what he knows I need to keep going. And I always need to remember that I'm one of the blessed ones, not because I live in the United States and have a home and a car and a great church, but because I have been given the opportunity and the privilege of believing without seeing.
Friday, May 26, 2006
Schoooool's Out for Summer...
It's the last day of school. Summertime is so bittersweet for me. I just love the laziness of summer, and the time with my kids. I want them to have fun and make memories, like I did as a kid. But it makes me so much more aware of how fast they're growing up. I feel like I've just lost another year of their childhood.
I know I'm having my empty nest worries a little early (they're 4, 8 & 10), but I just don't want to waste any time with them. Sadly, I can see how much time I am losing and wasting: watching tv instead of playing Monopoly, yelling at them for not listening instead of laying down the law and moving on, posting to my blog instead of telling all of this to them. But I know I'm also being a bit unrealistic about all of that. I can't let my life revolve around them. I guess I just need to make a list of goals and set about making them happen. So here goes:
My resolution for this summer is to enjoy the time we are in when we are in it, and refuse to look backward or forward.
I know I'm having my empty nest worries a little early (they're 4, 8 & 10), but I just don't want to waste any time with them. Sadly, I can see how much time I am losing and wasting: watching tv instead of playing Monopoly, yelling at them for not listening instead of laying down the law and moving on, posting to my blog instead of telling all of this to them. But I know I'm also being a bit unrealistic about all of that. I can't let my life revolve around them. I guess I just need to make a list of goals and set about making them happen. So here goes:
- Spend some time alone with each child.
- Turn off the tv and play a board game every Thursday night.
- Give them regular chores, along with rewards and consequences, so I don't have to nag them and lose my patience with them.
- Schedule family meetings so we can discuss things as a family instead of getting into the "that's not fair!" arguments that just won't stop in my house.
- Try to understand that my son (middle child) is always going to be concerned about fairness, and try to give him an outlet for his frustrations when things just can't be fair.
- Schedule weekly date nights with my husband, so our kids can see that we value each other, our marriage, and our family commitment.
- Spend some time doing nothing, but also plan lots and lots of fun (cheap) activities for the summer so we'll always remember how much fun we "used to have."
- Teach them something, but make it fun: piano, guitar, etc.
My resolution for this summer is to enjoy the time we are in when we are in it, and refuse to look backward or forward.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
God Bless Us Every One?
I read an article entitled Lunch on God's Dime on the UPI Religion & Spirituality Forum this morning written by one of my favorite bloggers, Meg@CelebrateVida. She wrote about her discomfort with the idea that God would bless some while "refusing" to bless others. Does he really do that? And what does it mean mean if he removes those blessings from our lives? Please read the article; it will make you think.
I've had similar questions. I heard a debate between some Christians and non-Christians, and of course the question of suffering was raised: "How could a just, loving God allow the suffering that exists in the world today?" The thing that surprised me is that the Christians couldn't answer the question with anything substantial. I began praying that God would help me understand. I read Philip Yancey's Where is God When it Hurts? and some other books, and they helped me see that suffering exists because we live in a fallen world. But that wasn't enough for me (maybe it should be, but it's not). I knew that God could change things, so why doesn't he?
I even questioned Romans 8:28: if "in all things God works for the good of those who love him," does that mean that when things don't work out, it's a sign that I don't truly love God? Does that mean that God exploits people's suffering? Finally, I've concluded that if Romans 8:28 is true (and I know it is), then he must expect us to use suffering as an opportunity to love one another fully.
Last year, when my father-in-law died after a long, painful fight with cancer, I asked even more questions: When I thank God for my health, am I suggesting that somehow God didn't find my father-in-law worthy of good health? Or that I am somehow more worthy? Or that God didn't care? I know that he wasn't paying the price for some sin: that would suggest a punitive, uncaring God when I know that God is forgiving and loving.
But could our society be paying a "price" for our collective decisions? Could we be losing our loved ones because, as a society, we have chosen to pour our focus, our money, our time, our energy on material (the American Dream) and trivial things (sports, movies, etc.) rather than on loving one another? If we, as a society, had focused our energy and money on caring for each other, might we have found a cure for cancer and AIDS, an answer to malnutrition, by now?
What if Christians had done that? What if Christ's churches had focused our spiritual and intellectual power on caring for the world instead of on attacking non-Christians and each other? Would we have changed the world for Jesus? Would we have truly been the light of the world?
Matthew 5:14-16: You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
John 17:20-23: I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you...May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
I've had similar questions. I heard a debate between some Christians and non-Christians, and of course the question of suffering was raised: "How could a just, loving God allow the suffering that exists in the world today?" The thing that surprised me is that the Christians couldn't answer the question with anything substantial. I began praying that God would help me understand. I read Philip Yancey's Where is God When it Hurts? and some other books, and they helped me see that suffering exists because we live in a fallen world. But that wasn't enough for me (maybe it should be, but it's not). I knew that God could change things, so why doesn't he?
I even questioned Romans 8:28: if "in all things God works for the good of those who love him," does that mean that when things don't work out, it's a sign that I don't truly love God? Does that mean that God exploits people's suffering? Finally, I've concluded that if Romans 8:28 is true (and I know it is), then he must expect us to use suffering as an opportunity to love one another fully.
Last year, when my father-in-law died after a long, painful fight with cancer, I asked even more questions: When I thank God for my health, am I suggesting that somehow God didn't find my father-in-law worthy of good health? Or that I am somehow more worthy? Or that God didn't care? I know that he wasn't paying the price for some sin: that would suggest a punitive, uncaring God when I know that God is forgiving and loving.
But could our society be paying a "price" for our collective decisions? Could we be losing our loved ones because, as a society, we have chosen to pour our focus, our money, our time, our energy on material (the American Dream) and trivial things (sports, movies, etc.) rather than on loving one another? If we, as a society, had focused our energy and money on caring for each other, might we have found a cure for cancer and AIDS, an answer to malnutrition, by now?
What if Christians had done that? What if Christ's churches had focused our spiritual and intellectual power on caring for the world instead of on attacking non-Christians and each other? Would we have changed the world for Jesus? Would we have truly been the light of the world?
Matthew 5:14-16: You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.
John 17:20-23: I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you...May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Persecution Complex
I read a great post on Think Christian this morning about the dueling extremists in the US today, all claiming they are being persecuted by the other side. I have grown so tired of the vocal minority of Christians claiming that we are being persecuted by liberals. The conspiracy theorists, who thrive on enmity, are not doing much, in my view, to "further the Kingdom". All I see are a bunch of people whining because someone has the audacity to question our view on the world and not see things the way we do.
When people talk about religious persecution of Christians in the US, I have to cringe because there is still REAL persecution of believers all over the world. We should never get into the habit of hyperbole lest we make light of the real victims of persecution.
In the US, we have so many freedoms that we take for granted every day. We have the right to speak (and post) and act on our views and our opinions. To scream "unfair" because the "other side" speaks and acts on their convictions as well is simply ignorant. What I see is a spoiled child, who has always gotten her way, throwing a tantrum when things don't go the way she wants them to.
I think there are two main points (obvious as they may seem) to remember on this issue:
1. Our opponents are not "heathens". Some of our opponents are God-fearing liberals who see inconsistencies between our country's goals and our reality, and who want to make this world better for the "orphans and widows" . Just because we have different ideas about how to make that happen does not mean that we need to attack them or question their values.
2. And as to those who are not Christians: we have to understand the basic principle that they are NOT called to live our life. Nowhere in the Bible do I find God commanding non-believers to act like they believe. Why? Because non-believers will not read the Bible, so they can't be expected to live by it. (I know that sounded elementary, but it seems that some people just don't get that basic point.) Yes, we are to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world, (same reference as above) but that's on us, not on them. It is not their responsibility to make sure that the world is as WE expect it to be.
I'll end with one last thought: It seems that, because Paul told us not to be conformed to the world, we decided that the easiest thing would be to conform the world to us. But, isn't that the same thing? Aren't we just trying to avoid living in a world that hates us by making them think and act like us? But Christ told us that the world would hate us and he commanded us to be the light to that world. What kind of light are we being when we throw a temper tantrum just because the world is exactly like Jesus warned us it would be?
--april
When people talk about religious persecution of Christians in the US, I have to cringe because there is still REAL persecution of believers all over the world. We should never get into the habit of hyperbole lest we make light of the real victims of persecution.
In the US, we have so many freedoms that we take for granted every day. We have the right to speak (and post) and act on our views and our opinions. To scream "unfair" because the "other side" speaks and acts on their convictions as well is simply ignorant. What I see is a spoiled child, who has always gotten her way, throwing a tantrum when things don't go the way she wants them to.
I think there are two main points (obvious as they may seem) to remember on this issue:
1. Our opponents are not "heathens". Some of our opponents are God-fearing liberals who see inconsistencies between our country's goals and our reality, and who want to make this world better for the "orphans and widows" . Just because we have different ideas about how to make that happen does not mean that we need to attack them or question their values.
2. And as to those who are not Christians: we have to understand the basic principle that they are NOT called to live our life. Nowhere in the Bible do I find God commanding non-believers to act like they believe. Why? Because non-believers will not read the Bible, so they can't be expected to live by it. (I know that sounded elementary, but it seems that some people just don't get that basic point.) Yes, we are to keep ourselves from being polluted by the world, (same reference as above) but that's on us, not on them. It is not their responsibility to make sure that the world is as WE expect it to be.
I'll end with one last thought: It seems that, because Paul told us not to be conformed to the world, we decided that the easiest thing would be to conform the world to us. But, isn't that the same thing? Aren't we just trying to avoid living in a world that hates us by making them think and act like us? But Christ told us that the world would hate us and he commanded us to be the light to that world. What kind of light are we being when we throw a temper tantrum just because the world is exactly like Jesus warned us it would be?
--april
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Addicted to the 'net
For a while, with an old (OLD!) computer, we were not able to really use the internet to its full potential. Now, we have a new computer, and I'm becoming addicted. I started this blog because I was inspired by other blogs that I've visited, but I'm finding out that there's so much on the internet I want to read that I don't have time to post.
So, here are some sites that I can't seem to stop reading:
Relevant magazine
Think Christian
Here's my Bible reading plan on BibleGateway (I've been on day 5 for 5 days now, which just goes to show you how distracted I get).
The problem is that I just keep finding links to great things to read, which leads to other links to more great things to read, and pretty soon my 4-year-old is asking what's for lunch and I realize I'm a horrible mommy. This morning on ThinkChristian, I found a link to a quiz on the biblical references on the tv show Lost. I'm a huge fan of the show, but I'm not smart enough to pick up on all the subtleties. However, I'm not too proud to let other people point them out to me. Here's the quiz.
Check these out. Just remember to feed your kids today.
--april
So, here are some sites that I can't seem to stop reading:
Relevant magazine
Think Christian
Here's my Bible reading plan on BibleGateway (I've been on day 5 for 5 days now, which just goes to show you how distracted I get).
The problem is that I just keep finding links to great things to read, which leads to other links to more great things to read, and pretty soon my 4-year-old is asking what's for lunch and I realize I'm a horrible mommy. This morning on ThinkChristian, I found a link to a quiz on the biblical references on the tv show Lost. I'm a huge fan of the show, but I'm not smart enough to pick up on all the subtleties. However, I'm not too proud to let other people point them out to me. Here's the quiz.
Check these out. Just remember to feed your kids today.
--april
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Wow! I'm a blogger!
Okay. So I've finally gone and done it: I've started the blog I've talked about for months. But why? Isn't that the question? I don't know if anyone will ever read any of this, so I guess I'm just doing it for me: for a reason to write, a way to keep track of my life, a new way to remember all of those thoughts that I'll forget in a year, a way to look back and see how I've changed (and hopefully grown). As a Christian, I want to know that God is working in my life and changing me for the better, but sometimes it's difficult to keep track of that maturity. Now, I can look back in a year and see if I've let God work in me and grow me into the person He wants me to be. And if not, I'll be able to see in what areas I need to give up some control.
And then there's the fellowship. I've lurked and read and commented on blogs for a while, and what I've loved is the opportunity for authentic relationships with strangers. (What a strange concept.) When you can hide behind a keyboard, you don't have the need for a facade, and you can be as vulnerable as you choose.
So, we'll see how it goes. I hope this all works and that I stick with it. If not, I guess I'll learn from that too.
--april
And then there's the fellowship. I've lurked and read and commented on blogs for a while, and what I've loved is the opportunity for authentic relationships with strangers. (What a strange concept.) When you can hide behind a keyboard, you don't have the need for a facade, and you can be as vulnerable as you choose.
So, we'll see how it goes. I hope this all works and that I stick with it. If not, I guess I'll learn from that too.
--april
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