I'm a Teacher

Thirteen years ago, before Darby was born, the plan was that I would be a stay-at-home mom until the kids were older, and then I'd actually use my education degree to earn a living. Well, the time is here. In a little over a month, I will be teaching English Language Arts to 10th and 11th graders.
I'm excited and nervous and scared to death. But I'm sure I'll do fine. I just have to keep telling myself that: "I'll be fine; I'll be fine; I'll be fine..."

I'm worried about being a working mom. Spending time with each of the kids, taking them to their activities, volunteering at church, keeping up with the housekeeping. All this while working full-time. How do you working moms do it? I've never been a good housekeeper. In fact I'm a horrible housekeeper: even as a stay-at-home mom. I've always believed that the mess will be there tomorrow, but the kids will leave someday. So I spend more time playing Pictionary and Scrabble Junior, and not so much time dusting and mopping. Now, I'm wondering how I'm going to get it all done. Any help out there? I never took to Flylady.com, although I think she's brilliant. Sidetracked Home Executives was pretty good with their 3x5 cards. But I have a hard time sticking to a system. Maybe the structure of working will help with that. I'm open to suggestions.

There are so many changes in my life right now, I'm more than a little stressed. I keep reminding myself that this will be good for the family, good for me, good for our finances, good for our marriage. But change is hard, and I'm having a hard time keeping up with it all.

I keep wishing that I could go back in time 13 years and do it all again. It feels like I'm leaving a part of me behind. Ever since Darby started walking at 10 months, I have known that every step is a step away from me. Now I feel like I'm stepping away from them and it's a little scary. I'm sure that in a year I'll be saying that it was easier than I'd feared, but right now, I'm not sure I'm ready.

On Summer and Life

Well, I haven't posted in almost 4 months. And it was 3 months before that one. I hope it's not a trend.

Obviously, I've been busy. And tired. I'm told that that happens when you have three kids, so I guess I'll survive.

I've been looking forward to summer...spending time with the kids, relaxing, sleeping in once in a while. Okay, maybe not. This month has been even busier than most months during school. Swim lessons, guitar lessons, soccer camp, getting ready for a vacation. Okay, vacation seems promising: lying on the beach, listening to the waves and my kids playing, and my youngest saying, "Mom, Mom, look...Mom, Mom, look what I did...Mom, Mom..." Okay, maybe not quite like the last time I was there: on our honeymoon, no kids, no distractions. But, maybe better in some ways. My kids getting to see the ocean for the first time ever, watching them play in the waves and build sandcastles, and bury themselves in the sand...

I hope I cherish it for what it is. Along with the rest of the summer.

My youngest will start Kindergarten in the fall, my middle starts Intermediate School and my oldest will start Middle School. I'm trying not to focus on the negative: more and more places to be and things to do, less time together, moving closer and closer to the inevitable empty nest. I need to focus on the positive: my kids will one day be responsible, happy adults with lives and families of their own. But right now they are mine, and I'm going to cherish them and their lives, even in the chaos that it creates.